Lost To Shadow

With this series, I wanted to convey the feeling of depression and the idle fantasizing of death–the hidden turmoil of a life ever-interrupted by a mind fascinated with its own destruction, and the loss we feel each and every day as the shadows looming in our psyche claim yet another piece of our will to go on.

The idea for this collection came to me during my stay in a mental health facility after my suicide attempt in November of 2017. I’ve been living with depression and suicidal ideation for most of my life, and one of my greatest fears was ending up in a place like that. In the end, my ten days there were some of the most important of my life.

More than anything, the most meaningful part of my time there was getting to meet and talk openly with other people struggling like me. While the connections I made there did not result in long term friendships, I will always carry the memories of them.

It is my hope that these pieces will speak to those like me, that, if even for a moment, they can feel the comfort of knowing there is others like us. We don’t have to treat our condition as a terrible beast to hide. We can confront it, find the tragic beauty in it, and address it with proper therapy and medication.

This series has been immensely important for my growth as an artist and as a person. The mistakes I’ve made, the triumphs I have earned, and my determination to grow, is all on display here.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

I waited for it to pass, but it never did
I was too busy
Drawing constellations in my scars
I thought I was cutting my self out
But I was cutting you too

I waited for it to pass, but it never did
I took it too far
Making life worse for myself and you
I thought I could succeed all alone
But I was failing you too

I waited for it to pass, but it never did
An empty sadness
An aimless kind of hatred for life
A fruitless scavenging for the life
I can say is worth living

I waited for myself to pass
I almost did